Tuesday, October 23, 2018

Not RPG related. Just getting this off my chest.

Not specifically a RPG post.

The other day I learned something that I already knew.  I'm a "obliger", or in layman's terms I'm a "people pleaser".  This causes me undue stress and frustration.  I am also a perfectionist, which is problematic.  What I'm trying to do right now, is work thru things like "creating boundaries" and "saying no".  I know it's sounds silly doesn't it? Don't want to do the thing, say no.  Simple!

It actually isn't.  The other issue the goes along with this, is doing things for yourself.  Because I am always up to the challenge of "doing this thing" or "doing that thing" I never make time for myself.  If someone tells me to do something, I will.  example "drink more water", alright no problem.  If I tell myself, that goes by the wayside.

So there are always things that are weighing on my mind, because I feel obligated, and in some cases because there might be other things involved.

A good example is, I'm unhappy with my current gaming group, however I feel obligated to show up because of:  History, Lack of players, because it's "fun", because I'd have to answer questions as to why I don't want to continue, presents, etc.  So in order to quit it, I have to "think about it a lot" run thru all possible scenarios (however wacky they are).

This of course extends to my biggest source of anxiety, my work situation.  Which has been degrading more and more over the past few years.  The next few months are going to be a crazy state of flux.  We are currently in the process of moving, and my bosses basically lean on me for everything.  Like any question, they just ask me.  It's a 1000 a day.

Long story short, I need to learn how to deal with things, instead of putting them off.

What keeps me up at night, besides all of the above is the obligation I feel to the RPG community at large, my friends & collaborators within the community, my fans, and myself.

In order to start doing things for myself, the first step is quite simple.  Just log off.

I've always thought of publishing, and blogging as a hobby.  I really need to do more writing, and not really for a specific purpose, just writing.  A lot of the time I sit down to work on something and either get distracted, or compare it to other things.  In the grand scheme of things, I'd be happy to just draw a map or write an adventure on a piece of paper that will sit in my ottoman.  The problem is my brain stops me before I start.

This also goes for other creative outlets like making music.  I won't pick up a guitar just to learn something, but if I need to because the band wants to play it, or a client needs a guitar track I will.

Thanks for reading this.  (here's me pleasing again.....) I hope I didn't come off as a grumpy prick.

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